What the heck? LaSuperFox is logging on again? It's been FOREVER...For - ev- ver...For - Ev - VER...(okay, enough) and she said she'd be posting all the time, no matter what. What's she thinking coming back now?
Well, I'm back and better than ever. More personal details. More dirt on my dating scene....seriously, these blogs are gonna get crazy. Well, crazy personal.
There's a lot that had gone on since my last post. I had a boyfriend (we'll call him Hehaw) for all of two seconds who I was totally settling with rather than with him because he was awesome. Hehaw Boyfriend was SUPER nice and giving and wanting to take care of me right away (which was stifling so early on, and I nixed that quickly). Fortunately, he told me he loved my on Valentine's Day, which was also the same day he tried to break up with me and restart with me. Yeah. What a hot mess. And I was so busy trying to hold on to just to make SOMEthing work that I actually stayed through the night and instigated speaking to him (briefly and via text) the next day. That conversation made me let go right quick, though. He didn't say anything horrid, but he certainly wasn't worth my time any more. I said "fortunately" because if it weren't for that silliness I would have likely stayed even longer when it was completely clear that I shouldn't be with him. I really don't even think it makes sense to call him an ex-boyfriend, it was so short-lived and silly (what, am I 10 and going out with a boy only for the length of recess? -- that really did happen once; so sad).
I may be having a hard time of it when it comes to picking them in the get-go, but at least I'm getting better about letting it end and understanding that, seriously, they're called break ups because they are SOOOOO broken.
Dating. I've mostly given up with trying to meet men online - at least on the free sites - and I am NOT paying to maybe find a date, thank you.
Shortly after the afore-mentioned boyfriend, I started dating a man (Ratatouille) I had been in friendly conversation with for a couple of months (whom I became "friends" with prior to meeting Hehaw) who lived in another state; I never EVER though we'd be more than friends. We ended up finally meeting in person and I was way into him from that night on. We dated for roughly 5 or 6 months, seeing each other every 2-4 weeks because I traveled to his state so often. He was so easy to be with in the beginning, and then I found myself not being treated the way I wanted to be; he didn't want to spend as much time with me as he could when I was in town, just a day or two including some nights - this didn't change even when I hadn't seen him in a month and was there for a week or more at a time. Helloooooo, red flag. But I had invested time and energy and emotion into him - and that makes me hold on for rediculous amounts of time when I should let go.
Look, I'm all for relationships taking work because we're all different and all, but when you're the only one working in it it's clearly time to move on.
Ratatouille ended things "suddenly" two days after we had spent two days in a hotel together (where everything seemed peachy) and made me come out at 12:30am (because he worked until midnight) to do so. He pulled the "I hope we can be friends card" (nonsense) and I got my booty up, walked right out smiling, and deleted him from my life. Mostly. Truth is, I made the idiotic choice to lend him money so he could go to his (mostly step) brother's wedding just south of where I live. I wanted to see him. I thought it was a nice thing to do. I trusted he'd pay me back completely and quickly.
I made a stupid mistake. He still owes me almost $200. There was some communication with him via email where he insisted he was happy to pay me as soon as the next couple of checks came in...I haven't received a reply to my last two email attempts. I may cave and call him, though one of my best friends (he doesn't know) is jonesing to go to his work and cause a scene. That's not taking the high road, but the thought does make me giggle. Some of you readers who know me will be shocked to read that I loaned him the money - and the only reason I hadn't said anything is total embarrassment. So many lessons for me to learn.
This last year I have been doing a LOT of self-reflecting, especially on why I keep making poor choices in these relationships. As you read above, I have realized - with the genius help of my wonderful BFF / Sister from another Mister (& Mother) - that I invest and then have a hard time letting go because I don't think I can get better men.
But the deep dark secrets & details of that will have to come another blog.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Two-a-Days? I can't seem to handle One-a-Days!
I have been dating a man for about two months. Things started slow and casual with easy dinners, nothing being splurged on, and a lot of talking. We didn't even have a first kiss until after the first few dates. I've gotten to know him better, met one of his kids (who he only has a portion of the time) and was even invited to have dinner at home with him and said child a couple of weeks ago. I'm not expecting to be his everything at this point (especially when children are in the picture) but I do have an expectation...or three. I want more.
But dates are never implied, there is little physical expression unless I initiate it, and he rarely verbally expresses his feelings towards me as well, though when he actually does these things it's lovely.
He sent me a text last night, letting me know he got home from being out with his friend, asking me how my night was, and then didn't respond to my text. I waited all day today - NOTHING. So I, in spite of my telling myself I wasn't going to be the one to blink first, sent a text saying. "You text and then disappear. I know you were busy today, but it would have been nice to have heard from you, especially since you dropped off." His excuse was that he passed out last night. I know there was time in the day today for him to have sent a quick note. This is a sign that: he's just not that into me.
Boring.
But dates are never implied, there is little physical expression unless I initiate it, and he rarely verbally expresses his feelings towards me as well, though when he actually does these things it's lovely.
He sent me a text last night, letting me know he got home from being out with his friend, asking me how my night was, and then didn't respond to my text. I waited all day today - NOTHING. So I, in spite of my telling myself I wasn't going to be the one to blink first, sent a text saying. "You text and then disappear. I know you were busy today, but it would have been nice to have heard from you, especially since you dropped off." His excuse was that he passed out last night. I know there was time in the day today for him to have sent a quick note. This is a sign that: he's just not that into me.
Boring.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Good Morning
Spark sent a text this morning, just to say, "Good Morning."
THAT rocks my socks.
And I, as a rule, say it with me, don't like texting.
This is different.
Only car-hugged the guy two days ago and I get a morning text that tells me he's thinking of me...and this is his busiest day of the week and I still get one. Makes me grin.
I finished a charity newsletter after work, revised my website, and sent out said newsletter. This will be a short "fill-my-requirements" post because I also did some yoga to improve my physical and emotional states and am off to sushi with a girl friend on top of the rest of it.
Tomorrow is a full day that I'm actually looking very much forward to. Woot!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Reggaelar or Not, Here I Come
When I realized it, I was in bed and it was after midnight.
OK.
I didn't post yesterday.
Eesh.
I found that I was obnoxiously grumpy all day yesterday. Though work has been bad for over a year now, I was finding myself to be in a head space of thinking that "NOTHING" in my life was working how I wanted, needed, or how it "should." Life was, in no aspect, going the way I was attempting working toward.
A very part-time job I had earlier in the year roughly 30 miles away in major traffic that I didn't care about because I loved the work had ended, I thought temporarily, until the company started to pick up more. Receiving the latest newsletter, one of the things I used to work on, I clicked onto the website to see a half-dozen others now doing the things I wished I was "good enough" or lived closer or had other, seemingly missing attributes to complete me and make me desirable as a team member there.
My charity work seems to, for the third year in a row, not be even remotely good enough to make me eligible to participate in the main event for this unnamed charity, whereas other people (I just read in an email today) have signed up a mere couple of weeks ago, sent out 169 emails and gotten 24 people to donate and pass their minimum goal. I've sent out hundreds...and sent follow ups...and built several web pages....and held fundraisers...and I am only at 17% of the goal minimum...and I've been trying for over 9 months.
Not-too-short hasn't called or texted or emailed, even though we made out and he told me how pretty I was over and over and laughed a lot and he seemed to like me; another on a growing list of nonsense men.
I feel stressed and sad and overweight and still cannot seem to get eating right and exercising into a habit instead of a sometimesit.
My roommate wants to share her TV shows I have little-to-no-interest in and laugh from her room, but when I try to share that I'm laughing so hard I'm crying because of funny scenes in a book she couldn't seem less interested or understanding, and I end up feeling chided for laughing as I am.
What am I doing wrong?
Yesterday I was in this pretty hefty funk. Funk funk funk. Then my bedfellow came into my room (she's a cat, but she's a lot like a dog and human mix, with a splash of cat) and she started to cheer me up, just because her personality rocks so much. Then a friend continued to encourage me to come out to a free concert in a semi-local park. Then a new boy emailed me, whom I had seen on PoF (Plenty of Fish) and favorited in hopes that he would think me fun and cute enough to email...and he was sparky and the extra encouragement I needed. Easy to talk to. It felt like good conversation, rather than good because there was some attention paid or some other menial thing. So I picked him up and took him to the concert, too.
I typically have this rule of not giving out my number so fast, or using a number when given out so fast. I find, these days, that I can tell enough about a person's personality through a few emails to decide to not give out my number or have a desire to make use of theirs. I can generally tell if I'm really going to like the person's personality through how they talk...even via email.
He. Was. Spark.
So I didn't plan. I just did. And in talking with him last night (along with something my Best Friend E. had said at dinner the other day) I have had a small epiphany that may bleed into a larger one: I have been living my life for others. I have adjusted how I am, who I am, what I say, what I give, etc. based on who I am around, and rarely is it what I should be doing.
I am not about to give up taking others into consideration...but I do need to live a more honest life in many ways. I'm well over the legal drinking age, but I hide the fact that I drink from others because I don't want to "deal" with how it will "hurt" them because of their religious beliefs. I change how I talk to people, speaking to them sometimes feeling like a lightly beaten dog, because I don't want to feel stupid in some way by how they'll speak to me. I don't tell certain people how much I disagree with their political beliefs because I want to avoid upsetting them and hearing them get angry with me, or having to dispute something they tout as fact just because it's what they've heard.
WHAT? REALLY?
I drink. I am well into adulthood and didn't have one sip until I was over 21. My drinking alcohol is not going to equal my spiritual demise. If somebody else decides to think that, that is their choice. I should not have to hide who I am in my own home. I have avoided it as a topic of discussion because I've wanted to avoid contention, but it is not solving anything. Besides, I'm sure those who aren't "supposed" to know already do. There doesn't need to be a discussion or production about it, but I don't need to hide myself. If they need to talk about it, we can do that in a mature fashion.
That goes for how I conduct myself all together. I'm one smart cookie, after all. Sometimes I get in a dither because I worry so much about what somebody else is going to think of me rather than concerning myself with my own feelings and thoughts.
NO MORE!
If you and I cannot have an adult conversation about a topic and you are going to be so passionate about it that you call names and are not as open-minded as you say you want others to be, then maybe we cannot be friends; and that's OK. (That really is one of the silliest things. I've had to deal with people, since grade school - and more concentrated starting in high school - telling me how open-minded they are, but it turns out it's only if you agree with them that they're open to your opinions, feelings, and beliefs.)
I choose to live my life MORE TRUE TO MYSELF.
As I found out last night after the reggae concert, talking to Spark on our walk to my car, I am not alone in those thoughts and it's a good thing to share that with others.
OK.
I didn't post yesterday.
Eesh.
A very part-time job I had earlier in the year roughly 30 miles away in major traffic that I didn't care about because I loved the work had ended, I thought temporarily, until the company started to pick up more. Receiving the latest newsletter, one of the things I used to work on, I clicked onto the website to see a half-dozen others now doing the things I wished I was "good enough" or lived closer or had other, seemingly missing attributes to complete me and make me desirable as a team member there.
My charity work seems to, for the third year in a row, not be even remotely good enough to make me eligible to participate in the main event for this unnamed charity, whereas other people (I just read in an email today) have signed up a mere couple of weeks ago, sent out 169 emails and gotten 24 people to donate and pass their minimum goal. I've sent out hundreds...and sent follow ups...and built several web pages....and held fundraisers...and I am only at 17% of the goal minimum...and I've been trying for over 9 months.
Not-too-short hasn't called or texted or emailed, even though we made out and he told me how pretty I was over and over and laughed a lot and he seemed to like me; another on a growing list of nonsense men.
I feel stressed and sad and overweight and still cannot seem to get eating right and exercising into a habit instead of a sometimesit.
My roommate wants to share her TV shows I have little-to-no-interest in and laugh from her room, but when I try to share that I'm laughing so hard I'm crying because of funny scenes in a book she couldn't seem less interested or understanding, and I end up feeling chided for laughing as I am.
What am I doing wrong?
Yesterday I was in this pretty hefty funk. Funk funk funk. Then my bedfellow came into my room (she's a cat, but she's a lot like a dog and human mix, with a splash of cat) and she started to cheer me up, just because her personality rocks so much. Then a friend continued to encourage me to come out to a free concert in a semi-local park. Then a new boy emailed me, whom I had seen on PoF (Plenty of Fish) and favorited in hopes that he would think me fun and cute enough to email...and he was sparky and the extra encouragement I needed. Easy to talk to. It felt like good conversation, rather than good because there was some attention paid or some other menial thing. So I picked him up and took him to the concert, too.
I typically have this rule of not giving out my number so fast, or using a number when given out so fast. I find, these days, that I can tell enough about a person's personality through a few emails to decide to not give out my number or have a desire to make use of theirs. I can generally tell if I'm really going to like the person's personality through how they talk...even via email.
He. Was. Spark.
So I didn't plan. I just did. And in talking with him last night (along with something my Best Friend E. had said at dinner the other day) I have had a small epiphany that may bleed into a larger one: I have been living my life for others. I have adjusted how I am, who I am, what I say, what I give, etc. based on who I am around, and rarely is it what I should be doing.
I am not about to give up taking others into consideration...but I do need to live a more honest life in many ways. I'm well over the legal drinking age, but I hide the fact that I drink from others because I don't want to "deal" with how it will "hurt" them because of their religious beliefs. I change how I talk to people, speaking to them sometimes feeling like a lightly beaten dog, because I don't want to feel stupid in some way by how they'll speak to me. I don't tell certain people how much I disagree with their political beliefs because I want to avoid upsetting them and hearing them get angry with me, or having to dispute something they tout as fact just because it's what they've heard.
WHAT? REALLY?
I drink. I am well into adulthood and didn't have one sip until I was over 21. My drinking alcohol is not going to equal my spiritual demise. If somebody else decides to think that, that is their choice. I should not have to hide who I am in my own home. I have avoided it as a topic of discussion because I've wanted to avoid contention, but it is not solving anything. Besides, I'm sure those who aren't "supposed" to know already do. There doesn't need to be a discussion or production about it, but I don't need to hide myself. If they need to talk about it, we can do that in a mature fashion.
That goes for how I conduct myself all together. I'm one smart cookie, after all. Sometimes I get in a dither because I worry so much about what somebody else is going to think of me rather than concerning myself with my own feelings and thoughts.
NO MORE!
If you and I cannot have an adult conversation about a topic and you are going to be so passionate about it that you call names and are not as open-minded as you say you want others to be, then maybe we cannot be friends; and that's OK. (That really is one of the silliest things. I've had to deal with people, since grade school - and more concentrated starting in high school - telling me how open-minded they are, but it turns out it's only if you agree with them that they're open to your opinions, feelings, and beliefs.)
I choose to live my life MORE TRUE TO MYSELF.
As I found out last night after the reggae concert, talking to Spark on our walk to my car, I am not alone in those thoughts and it's a good thing to share that with others.So what - I didn't post yesterday. Instead of chalking that up to one more thing I can feel like a failure at, I'm using it as a "I'm still moving forward" thing.
YESTERDAY: Yesterday is not now. I cannot do anything to change it, but I can use it to be a step on my way up to being the best me ever.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
First Kisses Should Be Like Eating
OK...get ready for the start of what has been a "work in progress" for far too long:
AWKWARD EMAILS, PROFILES, (and photos, if I can work out that old legal side of things).
First of all, let's get more exact. I'm here to help myself, and hopefully help you, if you choose to venture into the online dating world. I have had past profiles on Match.com, eHarmony, Chemistry.com, and Yahoo Personals. I am now on a social-group specific site (sorry, still no exacts there!), OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk. I think that covers it. I think. For now? Hahaha. I have only paid for the socially specific site and find very little reason to pay for memberships on some of the others, not because I can get enough for free so why bother, but because the site set-up and their membership base isn't really my...cup of tea? (And maybe shouldn't be anybody's.)
I will get into success rates and averages later, as I would like to avoid doing too much math this late at night (and I feel almost any math should be considered "too much" for me; we just don't get along well), but I do want to share THE awkward email of the day, unedited:
ScreenName#tocome - 48 - Male - Divorced - Kids That Don't Live at Home
"Hi... I think should meet up... whats happening? Hope you have been doing well... let's talk. I have seen your profile several times... And each time I think I need to see if she is interested. Well I checking now.
What do you think?
James"
I tried to reply with my standard, kind "Not interested" style email, clicked send, and got the following message:
"You have been blocked by this user. Find someone else... Return to your inbox."
Blocked before he could even be rejected. What the hell? You're 48 years old and cannot send a message without a jolt of regret a mere minute after hitting SEND? Wow. Not a big deal, but odd. Boys are weird.
In other WAAAAY better news, the first-meet / date last night went well. He's even more charming and attractive than I thought, and a great kisser. I am VERY much the gal that's ANTI-kiss-at-the-end-of-the-night. I attribute the Goodnight Kiss vs. Great First Kiss to eating.
Yes, eating.
And he did end up being his posted height. : )
AWKWARD EMAILS, PROFILES, (and photos, if I can work out that old legal side of things).
First of all, let's get more exact. I'm here to help myself, and hopefully help you, if you choose to venture into the online dating world. I have had past profiles on Match.com, eHarmony, Chemistry.com, and Yahoo Personals. I am now on a social-group specific site (sorry, still no exacts there!), OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk. I think that covers it. I think. For now? Hahaha. I have only paid for the socially specific site and find very little reason to pay for memberships on some of the others, not because I can get enough for free so why bother, but because the site set-up and their membership base isn't really my...cup of tea? (And maybe shouldn't be anybody's.)
I will get into success rates and averages later, as I would like to avoid doing too much math this late at night (and I feel almost any math should be considered "too much" for me; we just don't get along well), but I do want to share THE awkward email of the day, unedited:
ScreenName#tocome - 48 - Male - Divorced - Kids That Don't Live at Home
"Hi... I think should meet up... whats happening? Hope you have been doing well... let's talk. I have seen your profile several times... And each time I think I need to see if she is interested. Well I checking now.
What do you think?
James"
I tried to reply with my standard, kind "Not interested" style email, clicked send, and got the following message:
"You have been blocked by this user. Find someone else... Return to your inbox."
Blocked before he could even be rejected. What the hell? You're 48 years old and cannot send a message without a jolt of regret a mere minute after hitting SEND? Wow. Not a big deal, but odd. Boys are weird.
In other WAAAAY better news, the first-meet / date last night went well. He's even more charming and attractive than I thought, and a great kisser. I am VERY much the gal that's ANTI-kiss-at-the-end-of-the-night. I attribute the Goodnight Kiss vs. Great First Kiss to eating.
Yes, eating. You should eat when you're hungry, when you feel like eating, not because it's "time" to. Do it when you feel it, not because it's "supposed " to happen. First kisses should be in the moment you feel like kissing each other, not because it's what's supposed to happen at the end of a date. Boring. Awkward. Icky to me, overall.
This guy kissed me sweetly and carefree in the middle of a busy cafe, in front of a couple of my friends, just because it felt right in that moment. He kissed me a lot more after that, and especially when we were alone.
I haven't heard from him yet today. Some men play the Don't Call Until game, no matter how interested they are. We'll see. I'm not worried or all that bothered. I mean, I didn't contact him, so I'm just as guilty, if you wanna call it that.
And he did end up being his posted height. : )
Monday, August 9, 2010
Daily Posts
So I haven't been posting daily, as I should have and wanted to. True, if I really had wanted to, I would've gotten my lay-zee butt up and done it. I was feeling like I had a lot to say, but that nobody was listening. But, really, who follows blogs as soon as they start being written anyway?
What a nut.
There was a LOT of stuff to be writing about, too! I have been out on some first-meets and dates with a couple of men, each providing good stories to tell.
His profile says he's as tall as I am...but, let's face it, a lot of these men don't post actual heights, but an inch or two taller than they say. Only the ones that say they're 6'4" or taller are actually the heights they say; I hope in this case it's not an exaggeration.
Whatever on all of it. I'm trying new things without compromising my needs or settling. So here I go.
What a nut.
There was a LOT of stuff to be writing about, too! I have been out on some first-meets and dates with a couple of men, each providing good stories to tell.
Not to mention the mostly-nekked photo I got from another man, which provided a rousing (ha) story I MUST share with you.
These all would have been way better if told as they were happening....alas, I had to learn a lesson or something, so they weren't posted then.
So here is my post for the day. And I hereby swear to ME (because I need to be important to myself, for myself) that I will write EVERY day, at least once.
I will certainly update you on the events of the last few weeks regarding men and online dating.
And I even will be meeting one guy in a few hours for some drinks. He's fun enough to talk with; nothing has especially clicked yet, but he's not somebody I'm resigning myself to, either. He's 4 years younger than me, but has an actual career. He sounds like he could give me an offer I could never refuse (and did, in one conversation, offer to get some guys to "talk" to my horrid excuse for a human boss) which just tickled me so much because of his Jersey Shore-esque voice. BTW, he was born and raised in CA, and only had a short stint in NY. I don't know where his speech patterns and voice come from.
His profile says he's as tall as I am...but, let's face it, a lot of these men don't post actual heights, but an inch or two taller than they say. Only the ones that say they're 6'4" or taller are actually the heights they say; I hope in this case it's not an exaggeration.
Whatever on all of it. I'm trying new things without compromising my needs or settling. So here I go.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Attack. Of. The. Blahs.
So I've been away for a little over a month. There's been a lot going on...and with so few followers right now, I guess I wasn't feeling like this was the top of my "To Do" list. I've been tracking the rates on several websites...and get a lot of emails...but have yet to go out on even one date.
My fault AND their fault.
I'm so over going out to go out. I don't feel up to meeting up with a man who is already super lame via an email or two. If you cannot put any effort into an email, I'm already not interested in meeting you (and by effort I really only mean have something to say beyond "Hey, what's up wit u?" or "How r u?" specifically if you're anything older than 22...and even that's pushing it...but really, if you're 45 and writing that way? Grooooossss.).
I'm often being contacted by men who should not be contacting me, in my opinion; a lot of them are either 8 years younger or 10+ years older. Where are all of them men around my age? It's not that I'm at an age where there aren't plenty of them that are ready to settle...so why aren't they the bulk of who's emailing? Hmph. AND and and AAAAAAAND the ones I've gotten along best with recently are all hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away.
Hmph again.
Updates on specific sites to come!
My fault AND their fault.
I'm so over going out to go out. I don't feel up to meeting up with a man who is already super lame via an email or two. If you cannot put any effort into an email, I'm already not interested in meeting you (and by effort I really only mean have something to say beyond "Hey, what's up wit u?" or "How r u?" specifically if you're anything older than 22...and even that's pushing it...but really, if you're 45 and writing that way? Grooooossss.).
I'm often being contacted by men who should not be contacting me, in my opinion; a lot of them are either 8 years younger or 10+ years older. Where are all of them men around my age? It's not that I'm at an age where there aren't plenty of them that are ready to settle...so why aren't they the bulk of who's emailing? Hmph. AND and and AAAAAAAND the ones I've gotten along best with recently are all hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away.
Hmph again.
Updates on specific sites to come!
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