Meet Real Men - Online Dating #3

"Meet real men."  Really?  As opposed to the fake ones on other sites?  Or is the reason I've not found a long-lasting relationship from online dating (to date) that the men aren't really...real?  That's how one site is choosing to advertise itself...on another dating site, none-the-less.

And guess what?  I went ahead and added my profile back onto a fishy site.  Yup.  I'm going to give you the low-down on as many of the (free) aspects of these sites as I can.  Heck, if they want to pay me...or if somebody else does...I'll buy a membership and give the the low-down on that side of each as well.  But for now, let's be penny pinchers, shall we?

There are some cool aspects about being a fish, but the layout of the site isn't the greatest.  Since having canceled my first membership a few months back, they have added a "Quick Message" aspect to each user's profile, conveniently next to their photo box.  The inbox seems a bit messy now; when I was trying to reply to some users, it kept trying to tell me I was sending a quick reply and not an actual reply to the original message. 

I had a few messages right away...used a few of the same pics from other sites...and totally copied and pasted part of my cupid profile and just added a couple of sentences at the end.  I felt the additive was needed since my last boyfriend was from that site; I don't want the same this time around, so I wanted to clarify right away:

I want you to want to spend a lot of time with me, but still want to do things on your own sometimes as well...you have to like hanging with my friends and I have to like hanging with yours...etc. Once in a relationship with me, I will put you first, but only if you put me first...and if we're both putting the other first, then we're both well taken care of!

LESSON OF THE DAY:

To increase your visibility, you should log on during the week between 8:30pm-9:30pm.  Even if you aren't actively at your computer, showing up online during this time seems to be when the main male traffic is also online.  (This is true for all the sites, so far!)

I already have one man who would like to meet up for a mutual, casual, social event on Thursday....from re-joining that sea - he was the first to email (within 5 minutes of posting my profile) and is actually cute.

Online Dating 2

I despise online dating....and no, I won't stop doing it.  : D

The reason I use the word "despise" is due to the fact that somebody can wink or smile or...OK, come to think of it, I DESPISE some aspects of dating all together, period.

If somebody tells you they're not interested...just leave it alone.  For Pete's sake, don't keep PRODDING.

Saturday night, while out with the girls, I was privy to the inevitable "Two o'clock Girl Treatment."  Y'all know what I'm talking about...it's the end of the night, they're herding people out the doors, and there are plenty of drunk girls everywhere making poor decisions...along with a lot of guys that have little to no numbers and are scrambling to get somewhere with somebody - FAST.  So I'm sitting there and this bloke comes up and his opening line is, SERIOUSLY: "Hello.  How are you tonight?  May I have your phone number?"

Really?

"I'm fine, thanks, and no, you may not.  How are you?"  -  "What?  Are you serious?  Just give me your phone number."  -  "No, thank you."  -  "I can't have your phone number?"  -  "No.  I already answered this question."  -  "Well, why not?  Why are you trying to be mean?"  -  "I'm not being mean by not giving you what you want exactly when you want it, just because you want it.  I don't want to give you my number because I don't know you, you haven't tried to talk to me all night, and now that it's closing time you're just trying to grab at phone numbers."  -  "Well, how about your email?"  -  "No.  I'm not going to give you anything."  And he finally walked away.

Yes.  My sole desire is to be mean to you by withholding my phone number when you don't give me the time of day before closing time.

Now, with these online dating sites, you can run into the same things.  Throughout my time of traipsing through this online world-o-dating, I have had my share of trying to determine whether or not to reply to the "winks," "smiles," "ice breakers," "woos," and the regular emails, among other things.  It's hard to just delete these things without responding in some fashion.  My standard, if I reply, is generally, "Thank you for your (insert type here), but I don't feel we're a good match.  I hope you have a great (fill in the blank with day of the week, etc.)!"

Why can't it just be left at that?  Some men say, "Thank you for your reply.  Good luck to you, too!" or something else respectful and normal.  THANK YOU FOR THOSE, you men who do that.

The following is, by no means, the worst exchange ever, but it's the latest (from a man who is 1,559 miles away anyway):

>Hello, would you like to talk ? I'm sure that you get covered up in responses but please don't just skip over this one. Ha. Thanks and hope to hear back from you soon..........NAME

Without viewing his profile or pictures:
>>You live a billion miles away. : )
 
>They have airplanes now days..............Ha
 
Checked out his profile, and there are some life choices he's making that I don't want to live with and comment on his personality in general, which I found to be unattractive.

>>I appreciate the email, but after checking out your profile I don't think we're a good fit, even without the miles. I hope you have a great week!
 
>Just out of curiousity.....what was unfitting ?
 
Now, he cannot spell, AND this question drives me CRAZY.  Sometimes I just don't reply and sometimes even block them; this one I responded to with:
 
>>This is always an odd question to get from people, and it's even harder to answer via email because tone doesn't translate well, so I end up sounding rude when I'm just trying to be tactful. I don't think it's a fair question to ask and put somebody in the position of possibly being taken as insulting.


>>Why, exactly, I feel we're not a good fit doesn't matter because my telling you any specifics won't change the fact that I don't feel we are. Based on your profile, which is here to help me determine whether or not I'd like to even email with you, let alone pursue a pretty long-distance relationship, I am not interested in continuing to exchange emails.


>>Thank you for your interest; I do find it flattering, and it's not that you're an unattractive guy...it's that I don't think we're a good fit.


>>I sincerely wish you the best.

Ugh.  So uncomfortable.  To really answer his question I could have said, "You smoke, which I find to be gross in a partner and the fact that you say you'll quit, but only after you find somebody to quit for leads me to believe you don't want to take care of yourself for you.  In turn, this all causes me to feel not attracted to your personality, but very specifically do I find you to be unappealing.  And, though you're not an ugly human being, I don't think you're physically attractive enough to find out more about your personality than is already in your profile." 
 
Is that what he wanted to hear?  No.  That's not why he asked the question...at least it would be unhealthy if that's what he wanted or expected to hear.  Those answers aren't going to change him or me and are therefore irrelevant.  SO WHY ASK ME?!?!  Bah.  So so sooooo awkward.
 
Thanks for listening and I hope it (maybe?) helps you to tastefully deal with it if you run into it out there in the world or online and to stay chill about it, too.  Hahaha.
 
-La Super Fox

Online Dating

Now, this subject is not new to me (heck, it's barely new to anybody anymore).  So as not to slam or endorse any sites directly, I'll not be flat out naming them....though I'm sure you're smart enough to catch my drift.

I had joined a sight a few years back to get a good match (hahaha) and had gone out on dates with three different men...all in the same time period (we were not exclusive and they knew this)...until I knew which of them I liked best.  D turned out to not be all that interesting, though he had a very nice home.  E seemed to be really into me, and was cute, but didn't have a personality that could keep up with mine, so that ended.  J, however, was SUPER.  He was my favorite from the start and after a weekend getaway (which was actually supposed to be a trip with an ex...it was free and we were going to go to Sea World and there were NO romantic intentions...but he back out the day before, so I invited J last minute) he really grew on me.  No, we didn't do anything scandalous.  It was so fun, though.  We continued to date for about a month and a half, but then he saw that I really liked him and he is just not the relationship type, I guess, so we stopped seeing each other.  We actually got in a huge STUPID fight over my driving just above the speed limit but not fast enough for others and how I should change lanes instead of expecting them to. 

He yelled at me. 

Over the phone.

AKA: he was not there and didn't really know what was going on; obviously he was upset about other things that had nothing to do with my driving.

We didn't talk for a long time.  But we're friends again...well, friendly again.  We don't talk all that often, but after I posted a new social networking site default pic he sure is chatty.  Hahaha.

That was the end of trying to find my match there...so I moved on to a more harmonious site along with their newest sister-site to really find my chemical beau...and went on NO dates from either.  I even had one guy saying how he thought anybody who slept with any more than 5 guys is a whore, no matter their age.  Bye bye, buddy - I don't care how very cute you are, but you and I will not get on well.

So I canceled those memberships and moved on to a free site after my best friend pressured me into signing up (this seemed more like a social networking site in those days anyway, so why not?).  On this site, I thought I'd have some fun while cupid did an OK job of finding me a man. 

Nope.

But then I started dating a friend...and then he didn't want to commit until I started dating another (and then he was in LOOOOVE with me...too little too late) and I thought I had met the man I was going to marry in that another. 

Fail.

So, I eventually hopped back on.  I had a boyfriend recently (see prior posts) that I met on a fishy sort of site, and when we became exclusive I deleted that account....Aaaaaaand now I'm back on the site that I think is OK, but refuse to hit up the fishy site any time soon - the set up just wasn't as good, fun, or helpful - and I soooo don't want to bump into my ex's profile.

Now to my main point: I am now on THREE dating sites.  Each have options to pay, but I've posted profiles without doing such (I just don't have the money to spend on something like this right now, y'all).  I gotta say, it's a lot of fun right now!  I'll keep you posted on the comings and goings.

To catch you up:

OK = 7 days; added as a favorite by a few; 1 phone number exchange after a few emails and IMs

Yeah, Who? = 2 days; 10 men; 10 deletions

Social Group Specific = 4 days; 20 emails & winks (all different men); A handful of REALLY cute men; 1 phone number exchange with a few phone calls; 1 man I'm dying to be in touch with, but neither of us is paying so we can't email each other.  Grrr.

It's fun this time, though.  And I've been trying to do things in a different fashion this time around (ie: being the one to end the conversation before they do, leave them wanting more / not being so available / make them come after me).

It all feels different right now.  I've been keeping my life in better order anyway.  This started before my breakup, but it's what I've been trying to focus on since then, and it feels GREAT! 

Now if I could only sleep for more than 4 hours each night...

Train

Moving Forward.  Moving Forward.  MovingForward.  Movingforward.  movingforward movingforward.  movingforwardmovingforwardmovingforwardmovingforwardmovingforwardmovingforward. 

Good grief, I sound like a train.  Trouble is, some other emotions and thoughts are trying to freight-train their way toward my mantra, making it seem more like a little caboose at times.  

I have recently gone through yet another break up.  I don't know that they've gotten easier through the years, but they have gotten different.  Do I think I loved Doug* as much as I loved Rex*?  Well, no.  I thought, fast and hard, that I would marry Rex...thought this without a doubt.  But I did love Doug and, even more, must have loved the idea of what Doug and I COULD be (and were, at times).  Truth is, it's not that we didn't have a lot in common, which we didn't, but that we didn't have me and our relationship in common.  I don't know how "in the mood" I am to get deeper into this right noooow, but I have at least come to that realization...AKA: We were not in the same relationship and did not share the same relationship goals.  

Great.  Can my heart now come to that same realization so I can take a nap without prematurely waking with the lovely anxiety that it's over?  I'm suffering a loss, yes, but it's a loss of what could have been and not what actually was as a whole.  So?


So I keep training my train.  And I'll do that until my Moving Forward muscle is stronger than the weight I'm lifting.


In the mean time, I'll still be OK.  Because I am a SUPER FOX!






*Obviously the names have been changed.  Let's face it, when was the last time you met a Rex?  : )

Hey there, Super Fox!

Hey! Are you listening? I'm La Super Fox.  How did I get to be her? Well, I've always been her...I just didn't always know it. Do I always believe I'm a Super Fox? No. Does that make me any less of a Super Fox? HECK NO! I'm constantly working to improve myself and become my own hero. It's not an easy road. And I don't always work as hard at it as I want to.

"Why are you blabbering in the vast black hole of the Internet, La Super Fox?"

A wise man and woman once told me that I should do the opposite of things I've done in past breakups (there's a hint for ya) and that I should do the things I've been putting off. (OK - they told millions because they published a few books which happened to be very popular and I've never actually spoken to them - more on them to come.)

Here I am, killing two birds with one stone. (NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS BLOG)

And I tell you what. So far, it feels pretty damn great. Here I'm going to share with you what I've been dying to share for a few years now: Dating woos and woes, friendship, family, LIFE.

I can write about other people's work all I want (I'm not going to give that up any time soon) but it feels WAY better to write about MY work...and that means my work on me.

"But what does that mean for me, La Super Fox? Why should I stick around this joint?"

I don't know about you (yet) but even if I am around a ton of people, sometimes I can just feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like I can't share certain things with those around me because I'm afraid/embarrassed/insert-your-own-emotional-adjective-here. Another thing La Super Fox needs to keep working on to be a better Fox. Maybe you'll read this and not feel alone. You can pull from my experiences and make better decisions for yourself (by either doing or NOT doing what I have done - hahaha). We'll see where else this journey takes us. Maybe you'll read this and laugh.

I don't always know what I'm doing, but I sure as heck am not going to sit around waiting for something to happen to me - I'm going to make my life my own, because I am a SUPER FOX!

And so are YOU!